The Texting Archives of 221B
by storiesbybrook
Summary: A collection of text messages between the inhabitants of 221B Baker Street. No over arching plot, just cute fluff.  - Texting roleplay between myself and msmeow. -  Implied Johnlock.
1. Sleep is Overrated

Alright, well. Here is the beginning of a little compilation of texting between various characters (primarily Sherlock and John).  
>This is a collection of texts RPs between myself and <strong>msmeow <strong>(my beautiful and wonderful John~)

And now, I give you The Texting Archives of 221B! 

* * *

><p>Sleep is such a waste of time! -SH<p>

Some of us have work in the morning. –JW

Oh, don't be ridiculous, John. You won't be doing anything. -SH

I have patients, Sherlock. I treat people. –JW

Pathetically over worrying parents and hypochondriacs do not count as patients, John. –SH

And the last time I checked you didn't have a psychology degree. So, you shouldn't be treating the hypochondriacs anyway. -SH

Rude. –JW

No, John. Just blunt. -SH

Every doctor gets his or her share of hypochondriacs. And I do have patients with legitimate problems. –JW

Right. And all of my clients are mentally stimulating. -SH

Forget it. I'm bored. Stop pretending to sleep. I need to find something to amuse myself with. -SH

Come to my bed then. –JW

Why? Your room is incredibly dull. And if I do not want to sleep, why would changing beds do anything? -SH

Forget it. Where did you put my cigarettes? -SH

Because I'm betting I could make you tired enough to sleep for a while so I might be able to. –JW

I doubt it, John. I hardly sleep after cases as it is. What are you going to do? Talk me to death? Mycroft tried. And let's just say that didn't work out well for him, if I remember correctly. Which I do. - SH

Just tell me where you stashed my cigarettes, John. -SH

Think of something that I could provide that would increase serotonin levels and endorphins at a high rate that would then cause a rapid decline in cognitive function and exhaustion. –JW

I believe the term you're looking for is sex, John. And I thought you said you were tired. Not to mention, I do not see how that would work. Milk contains melatonin which causes drowsiness; little good that did me. -SH

I might be tired, but that doesn't mean I couldn't wear you down enough to get you to tuck it in for the night. –JW

John, I never knew you to be the type of man to give a half asserted performances. Besides, I'm not the typical blonde you picked up at a bar like... What was the last one? Mindy? Miranda? I am not ordinary. I doubt a simple physical exertion could make me sleep. -SH

It isn't half arsed just because I'm tired. Also, considering the fact that it's still novel it doesn't take as much to get you off. –JW

... -SH

Forget it. I found my stash. -SH

Dammit, Sherlock. –JW

Shh, John. I thought you wanted to sleep. And I certainly have enough to keep me busy through the night. Stop complaining. You're getting the sleep you wanted. -SH

You were doing really well. –JW

I'm disappointed. –JW

For god's sake. They're just drugs, John. I fail to see the big issue. Besides if you didn't want me to find them you should have hidden them properly, or gotten rid of them. You did neither, so I am not too concerned in your alleged 'disappointment.' - SH

Fine. Good night. Please don't set anything on fire before 600 when I have to get up. –JW

You mean go to "work." And I can't promise anything, though I am finding my bed rather too comfortable to move from at this given moment. -SH

No, I mean get up and get ready to go to work. –JW

Same difference. -SH

Good night, Sherlock. –JW

Hmn. -SH

Sleep well, John. -SH

I would say the same, but I know you probably wouldn't want to. –JW

I do not understand the point of it. So no, I really wouldn't want to. Unfortunately it does happen on occasion even if I do shoot up. Your sentiment is noted though, John. Thank you. –SH

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading~!<p> 


	2. Eggplant

There's fresh milk in the fridge and some eggplant parm in the oven I made before leaving that you can reheat for lunch. I know today is one of the days  
>you eat. –JW <p>

I must attend a symposium this evening. Perhaps your eggplant could cause one of my arteries to block so I will not need to attend? –SH 

It is fried. As your doctor I can positively say that is a definite possibility. Or a bad case of food poisoning. –JW 

On second thought perhaps I won't eat today. Your eggplant looks questionable. –SH 

Besides I was thinking of Chinese tonight. –SH 

It's fine. I snuck a few nibbles before work. –JW 

I will not eat your leftovers, John. –SH 

I made it fresh this morning for you. –JW 

I dislike eggplant, John. –SH 

Ah. Chinese carry away then. –JW 


	3. Disappearing Work Ethic

You should leave at lunch. –SH 

What for? –JW 

Bored. –SH 

Go bother Lestrade. I have appointments. –JW 

Already solved three of his cases this morning. –SH 

Go solve the case of my disappearing work ethic then. –JW 

A case well under my standards, John. You know good and well where it is, you simply choose to ignore it. –SH 

Are you saying I'm sub-par, Sherlock? –JW 

No, I'm saying your job is. –SH 

Well then. –JW 

I simply do not understand why you waste your abilities in a nothing little clinic. –SH 

Because nothing better has come along. –JW 

I see then. –SH 

I need to make rent, Sherlock. As soon as I can find something better I'll take it. –JW 

For my sake, not yours mind you. –JW 

Rent isn't an issue, John. –SH 

I like to be able to support myself financially. –JW 

Over rated. –SH 

That'd be your opinion. –JW 

Have it your way, John. –SH 

I will have it my way thank you very much. –JW 

Obviously do, John. –SH 

Obviously. –JW 

Isn't that what I just said? –SH 

Very perceptive. –JW 

That was meant playfully, not cross. –JW 

Of course it was, John. –SH 


	4. Missing Microscope

John, did you move my microscope? I cannot seem to find it. –SH 

No, you should inquire with Mrs. Hudson. –JW 

Hmn. Alright –SH 


	5. Johnnapping

When are you getting off? –SH 

6. –JW 

Tch. There isn't even anything wrong with your last four clients. Cancel them and come home early. –SH 

There may be nothing wrong with them but I do get paid to see them. –JW 

I've told you not to worry about it. –SH 

Besides. There's a new case. –SH 

Kidnapping. –SH 

Could be dangerous. –SH 

I have to leave for Villefranche in two hours. Hurry up and come pack. Or is "work" more important? –SH 

I'll be home in twenty. –JW 

Twenty, John? Really. –SH 

If the cabbie is slow. –JW 

Forget it. I've already thrown your things in a duffle. Just meet me at Heathrow. –SH 

The airport? –JW 

Yes, John! Gods your little brain... Flying to Villefranche is much quicker than train. And I'm sure you do not wish to drive all the way to the French Riviera. –SH

The cab fare would be ungodly. –SH 

Where at the airport should I meet you? –JW 

In front of the British Air desk. –SH 

Though I am sure I'll find you. –SH

The inflight meal has scones and jam, John. –SH 

Oh lovely. I am feeling a tad peckish. –JW

I'm here now. Where are you? –JW 

Hurry up to the gate. An envelope with your ticket is at the desk under Holmes. I trust you want the window seat then? –SH 

That would be nice thank you. –JW 

Right then. We're boarding. Hurry up, John. Cases to solve. Kidnappers to catch. You know. –SH 

Almost there. I can see you in line ahead of me. –JW 

Where are you? I don't see you. –SH 

Ah. There you are. –SH


	6. Drunken FrownyFace

I do not 'fall out' nor do I 'sleep'. I think... Deeply. Get your facts straight. –SH 

You think deeply. Riiiiight. –JW 

Of course I do, John –SH 

Stamford says hi. –JW 

... Out drinking with your little friends again are you. –SH 

Maybe. –JW 

Well. Do try and be quiet when you come home drunk this time, John. –SH 

Maybe. –JW 

You're incorrigible. –SH 

You love it. –JW 

You're drunk. –SH 

You're incredibly perceptive. As usual. –JW 

It's not too difficult to know that much, John. –SH 

Not too difficult to know you butter my parsnips  
>–JW <p>

Your eyes gorgeous. –JW 

I appreciate your existence. –JW 

Right. I have work to do. I don't need to deal with your drunken idiosyncrasies. Try not to kill yourself on the stairs. –SH 

My eyes are nothing of the sort. They're quite normal. –SH 

Nope. They're the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. So light. You can't tell me I'm wrong about something subjective. –JW 

They are my eyes. I can object to anything I want. –SH 

And I can tell you you're wrong and it's my opinion and I think they are the most beautiful eyes in existence. –JW 

I think you've had enough to drink, John. –SH 

I win, ardent eyes. –JW 

No. You're drunk. Don't confuse the two, John –SH 

I'll say the same in the morning after kissing you while sober. –JW 

Don't you have your little friends there with you? Why are you bothering to text me while drunk? You know I have work to do. –SH 

Because you're letting me bother you. –JW 

I've told you I am busy. Just like I've told you to stop drinking, you've had quite enough for one night –SH 

Doesn't mean you're listening to me. –SH 

Maybe you should come take me home if you think I should stop. – JW

You are quite capable of taking a cab. You've done it before. –SH 

Besides. This experiment went a bit... messy. I need a shower. –SH 

I'm feeling a bit hot. Mind if I join you? –JW 

There are several things wrong with that idea, John. For one, you won't make it home in time. I don't take showers for that long. Two, a shower while drunk isn't the smartest of ideas. Three, I don't take advantage of drunk men in the shower. –SH 

:( –JW 

Don't give me that drunken frown face. –SH 

:((((((( –JW 

... –SH 

Fine. IF you make it home before I am out. But coming from across town I doubt it. –SH


	7. Strawberry Jam

If you're not busy please go buy more jam. –JW 

Strawberry? –SH 

Please. –JW 

I'll see what I can do –SH 

Thank you, Sherlock. –JW


	8. Unlisted Number

We're out of tea. –SH 

Which blends? –JW 

Earl Gray and Chamomile. –SH 

Will swing by and get them before I come home. –JW 

When will you be coming home exactly? –SH 

About a half hour? –JW 

Hmn. I see –SH 

Don't rush home. I am... Dealing with something. –SH 

Occupied then are you? –JW 

Dealing with a business engagement. –SH 

? –JW 

Nothing to concern yourself with, John. Just get the tea. –SH 

Of course. –JW 

Good man. –SH 

Don't mock me when I control the tea supply. –JW 

I wasn't intending to mock you, John. –SH 

Do tell me when you leave the store. –SH 

So you can clean up 'business'? –JW 

So I can make sure he's not here when you get home. Don't make it sound like I'm lying, John. I don't lie. –SH 

I know you don't lie. Honestly what should I care if you're conducting business? You conduct it all the time around me. –JW 

You're angry. –SH 

I'm angry at a bloke at work. Not you. –JW 

Liar, liar, pants on fire. –SH.

Sorry. My phone was being preoccupied. That wasn't me. –SH 

Who on earth are you with? –JW 

Doesn't matter. He'll be gone soon. –SH 

It was reminiscent of a certain psychotic bastard. –JW 

Why hello there Johnny boy. _(Unlisted Number)_

Jim. –JW 

Misssss meeee ;) _(Unlisted Number)_

No. –JW 

Aw~ Come on, Johnny. Sherlock did~ _(Unlisted Number)_

I bet. –JW 

Oh but he did. You should have seen our little reunion, Johnny boy~ _(Unlisted Number)_

John? –SH 

We're not out of tea. –JW 

... I don't know what you're talking about, John. Of course we are. –SH 

No, you're not~ _(Unlisted Number)_

Thanks. Thanks for that. –JW 

He doesn't want you here, Johnny. Not when I'm with him ;) _(Unlisted Number)_

Are you picking some up, John? –SH 

Tell your boyfriend to can it. –JW 

John? –SH 

What? –JW 

What's gotten into you? –SH 

Yes, Johnny whatever is the matter? _(Unlisted Number)_

Bloody hell! –JW 

John, get a hold of yourself. It's just tea. –SH 

Oh, it's far more than that, Johnny boy. And you know it. _(Unlisted Number)_

He's screwing with me, Sherlock. Moriarty is messing with me. –JW 

Jim? –SH 

Come home at once. –SH 

No, stay out longer and play, Johnny boy~ _(Unlisted Number)_

Sherlock he's tapped into my phone somehow. –JW 

Come home now. The way we went to avoid Mycroft after the double suicides. –

SH 

The back alleys really aren't that safe, Johnny. _(Unlisted Number)_

What if he knows... –JW 

John, you need to calm down. –SH 

Where are you? –SH 

Yes, John. Come out come out wherever you are~ _(Unlisted Number)_

Sherlock I'm fine. I'm going to come home. I'm not giving you my location because

he'll see it. –JW 

Don't be ridiculous, Johnny. I don't care where you are. I have my eyes on a much

bigger prize. _(Unlisted Number)_

Sherlock. Meet me at the Armenian's Hallow. –JW 

I can be there in 5 –SH 

If that's how you want to play it then, Johnny boy. _ (Unlisted Number)_


End file.
